Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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