I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I lost the right to judge tonight
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
