dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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