So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
