I just pynch a tree in the face
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Semen is not good for contacts.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
