I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
