I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
