You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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