I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
