so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
