M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
