I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
