if you like me you must not know who I am
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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