When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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