I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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