btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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