so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
