I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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