I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
