was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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