I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
