that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
