Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
