During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think my moral compass just broke
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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