He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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