They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
