Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
