so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
