i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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