if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
