if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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