gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
