Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
