I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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