we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
