i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
