the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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