Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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