I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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