I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
