Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
