The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
