oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
