I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
