Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
