Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
His hands were made for my vagina.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
