why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
