Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
