I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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