Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
this will be a night to untag.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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