It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
