i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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