If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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