I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
