508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Don't EVER smell your tampon
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
