My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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