wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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