there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
