His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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